Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. (Romans 1:28-32)


Well, there it is.

Let’s not talk about why these words were written or who they were written for. Historical context has no value here. The important thing is that it made it into THE book. And the book is magic. We cannot look too closely at the twists and turns of how our modern bible came to be, because it does not matter to the people it should matter to. Not in my case, anyway. Every word is just as god intended. And New Testament verses are literally instructions from god that apply to any people in any time period. I don’t know why, but this is just as true as anything else in the world of Christianity.

There is no getting around who I am as an atheist. I am bad. A liar. An enemy of god. No good can come from me. The bible says so, and the words in the bible are truer than any word I have ever thought; so clearly there is no argument I could win in this matter. That’s what I’m up against.

I am tired of Christians talking down to me from their “saved” pedestals. I hate the condescending way they think they are showing me love by pitying me. I hate that expressing my personal thoughts or experience with god is only seen as an attack. Clearly I am trying to convince Christians to also turn from god….what other agenda could I have as an unbeliever? As if it were so easy. I should know better than anyone that it isn’t easy at all. If you have doubts, don’t blame me. Blame god. I’m just trying to explain why you are wrong about my being evil and plotting your future in hell.

The moment you doubt, you are an enemy. Why did we create a god who made that so complicated? On one hand we have Jesus saying to love our enemies, and on the other hand we have god versus Satan. And really, god has never been good at loving his enemies- unless you count killing them or their offspring as love. And I suspect some of you do.

Why is it impossible to believe that someone could think men wrote the bible without divine intervention? Is that really such a shocking conclusion to make? Maybe these are just words some guys wrote a long time ago that had nothing at all to do with me or what I believe. Maybe they are wrong, because sometimes people are wrong about even the things we can know for sure.

Should coming to such an outrageous conclusion require a heart of pure hate and destruction? Is that how it happened to me? Well, logically, no. But there are verses in the bible that say otherwise, so we don’t need logic.

There are so many religions, and even Christianity’s early church fathers had to sort through the writings and beliefs and make an official call on what was “real” and what wasn’t. It’s like trying to sort out which psychics are telling the truth. Are any of them telling the truth?  God never came down on a cloud and explained it to them.

And yet, wondering about all that is somehow blasphemy. It makes me evil beyond repair; someone to shield your Christian children from. Really? It seems like god would want me to search for him and ask questions rather than blindly following authority on who god is.

It’s a never-ending cycle that works like a magic spell. Convince people your words are inspired from god, then tell them that only bad people who are in league with Satan don’t believe it. Presto! Now you have created an impenetrable force where reasonable skepticism of your words is repelled by the very same words. Why does this work on people?

And why is god done talking to us this way? Who decided….or, I guess I should say who decided that god decided there would be no more additional words written with his stamp of approval? Now you have to start your own cult for your divinely inspired words to get recognized, because Christians know all they need to know. Or maybe (and yes, I am going out on a very blasphemous limb here), no one has ever spoken or written words that came from god at all. I mean, we can’t really know that.

But not knowing something for certain that you cannot possibly know for certain is apparently bad. That’s my crime against god and humanity. That’s what makes me all of those things Paul accused someone else of when he was writing to the Romans.

A few days ago I had a conversation with a Christian who said, “At least Christians believe in something.” When I asked him why that made them better, he answered, “Being sure of my God makes me less confused, but certain and certainty goes a long way in terms of credibility.” Ummm….what? I’m pretty sure that’s wrong. I guess it’s all that “doubter’s confusion” getting in the way again, but I have a completely different set of requirements for certainty. And credibility.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. (Romans 1:20)

I’m sorry, Paul. I simply disagree.


One thought on “Evil-Hearted Me

  1. My view is that whether one sees evidence for a God or not tells us nothing about their moral character. Of course this is from one who, while seeing the evidence on balance as favoring the existence of God, but who is open to the possibility of a godless universe.

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